The Bedmasters
by Norsehound
Summary: Next in line of the sleeping Fics, the Bedmasters! (Not as some of you might think)


1 The Bedmasters  
  
By Norsehound  
  
Disclaimer: Only the Fubar group, the Decepticon that turns into a bed, and the Bedmasters belong to me. Everyone else doesn't…or at least they think they do…. I'll go ask later.  
  
--------------------------  
  
Megatron cursed himself for allowing that treacherous Starscream free run of the base. He also cursed leaving the door open to the waste disposal room to allow Starscream's devious agent to sneak up on him and try to kill him.  
  
Megatron clenched his fist. He wouldn't go out like a dim light that easily!  
  
There was an old Decepticon myth from way back when in the shiny days of Cybertron (When a budget was at an all time high and they could afford to light every single bulb on the planet). This saying went if you could hear your own footsteps inside your own base then you needed more men.  
  
And damn sure his steps echoed through every single nook and cranny, making it seem there were eight people following him and matching footsteps.  
  
After making a trek of thinking thrice around the base, he got an idea and voiced, "Well if I can't think up anything I'll just watch TV!"  
  
Hours later the ship's theaters darkened and the silhouette of Megatron walked through the seats and sat down. Remote in hand, he pressed the ON key.  
  
The screen lit up in a commercial.  
  
"No."  
  
He flipped the channel.  
  
It was showing a woman getting attacked by a flying blender.  
  
"No."  
  
The next one showed a bed transforming and shouting, "This is the end of your invasion!"  
  
"No."  
  
The next one showed the cassettes playing basketball.  
  
"No."  
  
"I Galvitron-!"  
  
"No."  
  
"And so we remember Rhinox-"  
  
"No."  
  
"SPAM! SPAM! SPAM! SPAM! SPAM! -"  
  
"…No."  
  
After six more channels he sighed in outrage and left for a moment to put a tape in, and then sat back down and clicked PLAY.  
  
The Transformers entry flashed by as he fast-forwarded.  
  
"There has to be something useful in this Rebirth episode!" Muttered Megatron.  
  
Then he saw the Autobots take their own heads off, and played.  
  
An Idea fell from the sky and hit Megatron, "That's it!"  
  
He rushed out of the theater to implement his plan.  
  
In the darkened command chamber Megatron was masterminding his own scheme. Laughing like a maniac, he entered four protoforms into bob the important machine thingy and laughed like a maniac even more.  
  
After the process was started, he walked over and clicked the strobe light off and killed the boom box.  
  
"I'm glad I got a good deal on these…."  
  
Then he whirled to see the emerging forms.  
  
He spread his arms and boomed, "Arise…. Well…. who are you anyway?"  
  
The four identical Protoforms looked at each other.  
  
"Er…I'm Snooze." Said the first.  
  
"Call me…Yawn." Yawned the second.  
  
"I'm Tired…" Sighed the third.  
  
The last one was already asleep, and a nudge from Tired made him say, "I'm Sleepy…."  
  
"Excellent." Said Megatron, "Now then, my new Bedmasters, we must find the four most evil people on the face of the planet. With them inside your heads, we can soon defeat Starscream and then move to those despicable Autobots!"  
  
With that Megatron and the four flying beds left the base.  
  
  
  
In Hollywood they were busy filming a movie.  
  
Devestator was glaring down at the large mock-up of the most recognizable movie monster this side of Japan.  
  
"Okay, ready Devie baby?" Asked the director far below.  
  
Devestator made an OK sign with his left hand and then the director shouted, "Action!"  
  
The big green mock-up mechanical lizard roared and slowly thundered towards Devestator.  
  
The combiner roared before smashing a fist into the monster…. Which took off Godzilla's head.  
  
"CUT! OH MY GOD NOT ANOTHER ONE!" Screamed the Director and ranted as the anametronic head dangled by a few wires from it's neck, the jaw still working and the eyes jerking back and forth.  
  
Devestator shrugged and said, "You gotta make better models."  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, in another studio Starscream lounged on the actor's chair and sighed happily. Being an idol to these humans wasn't so bad after all.  
  
Now he was watching Astrotrain play chicken with a mock-up bullet train in 'Attack of the alien space trains from Jupiter.'  
  
Of course, Astrotrain barreled through the mock-up with no trouble at all and transformed.  
  
"Nice…. Okay cut." Said the director.  
  
"Ah yes…." Sighed Starscream.  
  
Then Sleeping entered and asked, "What's shaking?"  
  
"Aside from Devestator's studio I think Astrotrain's a little shaken from ramming into that train…" Said Starscream.  
  
"That's nice. I wonder how the others are doing?" Asked Sleeping.  
  
Starscream tapped off his fingers saying, "Well Fubar's doing night of the kitchen appliances, the cassettes are in the NBA, Me and the other Jets plan on doing an airshow appearance, and well Reflector's signed up for some NASA job."  
  
"What does he do?" Asked Sleeping.  
  
"One's going up on the shuttle, another's in ground control, and the third's on the International Space Station."  
  
"…Cool." Said Sleeping.  
  
Meanwhile, Megatron and the beds were scouring the US for people so evil and so corrupted enough to pilot the heads of the Bedmasters.  
  
The first person they drafted was Bill gates, in exchange for Cybertronian technology.  
  
"Now then," Smiled Megatron, "Let's go crush that infernal Starscream and his wretched defectors!"  
  
With that the Bedmasters took off with Megatron, destined for Hollywood.  
  
Meanwhile, those Decepticon Defectors were busy in yet another movie. It was called Transformers: Invasion of the Toasters. It would be rated a G, but because of the comical mischief involved it was upgraded to a PG…because of the intended use for the loaf of bred in the movie.  
  
"What do I do with this?" Asked Starscream with the Loaf.  
  
The director replied, "Well you…."  
  
Elsewhere, Sleeping was armed with a classic mallet and so were the other seekers.  
  
"So we're supposed to go out there and bash as many automated toaster monsters as we can?" Asked Thundercracker.  
  
"That's the mission." Replied the Director.  
  
"Sweet." Smiled Skywarp, "Killing toasters."  
  
"Right! Ready and ACTION!" Cried the director.  
  
The Decepticons moved out, armed with various items and other comical devices. Against them were over a hundred automated toaster units.  
  
As they were running, Thundercracker couldn't help but point out the same background rushing past more than once in the running sequences.  
  
Sleeping just shrugged and replied that they should only focus on bashing Toasters.  
  
And so the brawl began.  
  
Like a page out of the next-generation Battle Bots, the Decepticons wield everything from mallets to kitchen sinks to large destructive objects to bad fruit as the mindless toasters marched on.  
  
Starscream waved the loaf of destruction and Toasters by the dozens flew into the air and landed on the ground.  
  
"Cool…" Smiled Starscream and waved it again, killing more toasters.  
  
"Why can't I have one!?" Complained Blitzwing as he swung the PVC pipe.  
  
Then Thundercracker barreled into the scene, armed with a potato gun.  
  
A spud collapsed through four of the automated toasters as the pseudo- brawl raged on.  
  
Thundercracker ran on laughing his head off not at the sight of mindless destruction but because he had finally acquired the #1 thing on his Christmas list: The Transformer-sized potato gun. As of such, the grin was so wide it disappeared on either side of Thundercracker's helmet.  
  
Then the roof caved in and five Decepticons arrived, "There you are!"  
  
"What? Megatron!" Cried Starscream.  
  
The Rebel Decepticons whirled on the Bedmasters and Megatron as they landed in the middle of the stage.  
  
"Believe it or not Starscream. BEDMASTERS! ATTACK!" Cried Megatron.  
  
The flying beds attacked with superguns, cudgels, and superlarge pillows.  
  
Things became ugly real fast as Decepticons fell to extra-large king- sized pillows and other soft bedroom items as the Bedmasters whiled them in the air, Bill gates in his power armor directing them, "Re-format their hard-drives!"  
  
But it was Starscream who saved the day. Wielding the Loaf of Destruction, two of the beds whirled away into the air and landed on their heads not too far away.  
  
"What is this!?" Demanded Megatron as the other two beds went flying.  
  
Then the Loaf of Destruction slammed into Megatron's jaw and sent him flying.  
  
As he got back up Starscream whapped him again.  
  
But Megatron wasn't finished, "You haven't begun to feel my wrath Starscream! Behold!" He flashed out a small remote control and pressed the big red button.  
  
In parachuted Eight businessmen with glasses and briefcases.  
  
"Who the hell are they?" Asked Rumble.  
  
Megatron smiled, "They are my lawyers."  
  
"What?" Asked Starscream.  
  
"You heard me. My lawyers." Smiled Megatron, "I'm suing you for the damage you caused to the ship and the storyline of Transformers."  
  
Sleeping thought it over. It seemed counter-intuitive that full-size Decepticon warriors would be less dangerous than human Decepticon businessmen.  
  
But then again, with Sleeping involved anything could happen.  
  
Starscream crossed his arms, "Oh sure. You have proof?"  
  
"I have lots of it on videotape. I'll see you in court, Starscream."  
  
Starscream was appalled. Megatron could indeed take over the Earth… and he could probably even do it legally.  
  
But just then the door opened and in stepped…  
  
Blur.  
  
"Who the hell is that guy?" Asked Pissed.  
  
Blur raced up to Starscream and yammered, "Letmeactinyourdefenseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseitwouldmakemesohappy!"  
  
"The man can talk…" Mused Starscream and pointed at Megatron, "Okay, act in our defense!"  
  
"Yescertantlyokayokayokay!" Blur whirled and started yaking at the speed of light.  
  
Megatron, the bedmasters and the lawers only took four seconds before they collapsed and clutched their ears in pain.  
  
"Ahhh! Make it stop! Make it stop!!" Cried one of the Bedmasters.  
  
And just then Megatron cried, "THAT'S IT!!! I QUIT!!! Nothing is worth being defeated by a yakking Autobot and a stupid loaf of bread!!!!"  
  
"What are you saying Megatron?" Asked Devistator.  
  
Megatron cast his gun down and flung his hands up- in disgust, "This is nonsense!!! I'm retiring to do something sensible! Like shrubbery! That's it, I'll become a Shrubber!!!"  
  
Megatron tore off the Decepticon symbol, threw it to the ground, and wailed, "See you later! And I hope I never see another transfomer again!"  
  
With that Megatron walked off, probably never to be seen again.  
  
The Bedmasters looked at each other before gates ordered, "Quick! Back to the Microsoft HQ!!!"  
  
The Beds transformed and flew off, their pilots riding them like surfboards.  
  
The Decepticons watched them go.  
  
"Er….okay…" Said Starscream.  
  
"Well that was short." Said Sleeping.  
  
Starscream winced, "What do you mean?"  
  
"Four pages. Last one made five." Said Sleeping.  
  
Fubar shrugged, "Let's hope the next one will be a lot better."  
  
And so, with Megatron's….er….resignment and the storyline more or less shot, the story resumed much like the way it did before this story….except that Megatron quit…and well…er….just wait for the next fic!  
  
And somewhere in the deep, cavernous pit of doom that was Microsoft's HQ, Bill Gates was creating new bed-shaped computers.  
  
"Hahaha-hahaha!" Laughed Gates mechanicly, "Yes, Soon all Bed-shaped computers will rule the world and I WILL BE THE SUPRIME MASTER!!!!"  
  
"Guess again!" Said a voice before Gates was KO'ed by a shrubbery plant.  
  
------------------  
  
If it isn't good then don't bite my head off. I've got another idea for the next fic!!!  
  
The next fic is:  
  
Why G1 Transformers never had to deal with alien technology  
  
Or  
  
Why you don't push the big red button until you read what it says. 


End file.
